I came across an image on Tumblr that had a list of "Questions to Call Yourself Out On." As I was reading through it I realized I needed to answer them on here, one day at a time. One of eight is the question, "Is that really how it went or just how you (want to) remember it?"
Why do I need the story that I was excited for RAM, loved it at first, and then came to know its mediocrity? I don't remember exactly how I felt when I first listened to it. I don't remember when I decided it was a blemish on my life.
But I know I remember that day in Cedar Point was a really good one. I know that even on that day I noticed how I was feeling an unusual, humming, joy.
I know that when I told my friends what happened with Brien, how he had grabbed me and kissed me and wouldn't let go, that they all said, what did you expect?
I know that after they said this, I was in situations again where I knew Brien would do it again.
Maybe there's no amount of nuance I could recall that would clarify these memories. Why would I want to remember that I can't articulate how I have been in situations that I knew would allow men to hurt me and it came to pass?
So the thought is, Logan, you must have wanted it to happen. That's what you don't want to accept. You want to remember that you can't articulate how you put yourself in danger because you wanted to be in a position to be hurt.
Just like you need to say you don't like this album but really you need to have something to hate. It's an easy target. Just like maybe I was.